It’s not usually our style here at My Kind of Country to spend a lot of time writing biting reviews about all the crap we don’t like. You can believe that our writers can be as brutal as the next when the dreck crosses our desks. But hey, everybody’s gotta have a niche’ and ours is writing positively about only what we deem print-worthy. Aside from that, there are so many other talented writers churning out brilliantly scathing analyses all over the interweb. Still, we couldn’t resist – just this one time of year – to compile a list of the worst singles of the year, and then see just how blistered we can get a few superfans.
So here they are, the bottom of the bottom. These are ranked in order, by a points system, taken from respective lists from Razor X, Occasional Hope, and myself. Listening while you read is not necessary nor recommended.
P.S. When commenting, please refrain from expletives. Attacking the writers’ taste in music, intelligence, or even our Mamas won’t bother us so much. Just keep it clean please. Enjoy!
10. Jason Aldean – Crazy Town
I’m usually the first one to enjoy a song that paints up the roundabouts of Music Row. Romanticizing your hard-beaten path to stardom or just lamenting the rigors of the road in song is something of a rite of passage in country music. Listening to this tune, it’s obvious Aldean is adhering to his own adage with ‘To be a star you gotta bang bang bang’. The problem is, he doesn’t even have the right drum. – J.R.
9. Craig Morgan — Still A Little Chicken Left On That Bone
I really dislike rock-oriented songs that try to gain country cred by adding some banjo to the mix, but it is the shouted chorus that really makes this record annoying. – R.X.
Banjo added to the mix or no, I bet even those guys from Deliverance would change the station when this came on. – J.R.
8. Toby Keith – Every Dog Has Its Day
Like Trace Adkins, Toby Keith continues to reach new lows with his pseudo-clever ditties such as this. Here, your typical white-trash honky-tonk angel (the same gal from all of Toby’s classy odes to true love) finally knocks out a suitor coming on too strong. I’m not sure what’s worse: that the narrator actually thought saying “every dog has its day dog but today dog just ain’t yours” would cool the suitor’s jets, or that someone thought this story even needed telling. – J.R.
7. The JaneDear Girls – Wildflower
Another overproduced rock-based number with an extremely grating sing-song chorus. – R.X.
Everything about this is awful. The girls can’t sing very well, even given a song with only a few notes to sing, and the overly processed sound is entirely inappropriate for a song comparing the protagonist to a wild flower. – O.H.
6. Laura Bell Bundy – Giddy On Up
I don’t know whether to dismiss this one as something that shouldn’t be taken seriously or to be offended that Bundy and her team thought that country music fans were so lacking in taste that we’d actually like something like this. – R.X.
5. Sugarland – Stuck Like Glue
Inane lyrics and annoying vocal tics (even before the reggae part starts). – O.H.
An absolute hot mess of a record that is annoying up until the reggae part, and from that point on it’s just embarrassing. – R.X.
4. Blake Shelton and Trace Adkins – Hillbilly Bone
Heavy handed production and clichéd redneck anthem lyrics combined with a pseudo hip-hop beat are the hallmarks of this record which is far beneath the talents of the two artists who recorded it. – R.X.
3. Trace Adkins – AlaFreakinBama
A tuneless shoutfest that would vie for the title of Worst Record of Trace Adkins’ career were it not for ‘Honky-tonk Badonkadonk’. – R.X.
Trace Adkins has a great voice but apparently no musical taste, judging by the number of truly crappy songs he has picked in his time. This manages to achieve something I previously thought unachievable: it’s actually worse than ‘Honky Tonk Badonkadonk’. Almost tuneless in the verse, the chorus degenerates into a one-note yelling of the title, backed up by crowd noise. – O.H.
2. Carrie Underwood – Undo It
If Underwood were ably revisiting the sound Shania Twain pioneered in the 90s, I’d be one of the first to jump on board. But if the production sounds like an old mix tape from that era recorded over the FM airwaves, I’ll probably fall off the wagon. A chorus that falls apart with the first line doesn’t help to win me back either. – J.R.
Sheer unadulterated 80s pop melody, processed sounding and much too loud production, with absolutely no subtlety or light and shade in the delivery and an ultra-annoying chorus. I can see why her fans would like it, but personally I wish I could unhear it. – O.H.
1. Justin Moore – Backwoods
I can live with the clichéd lyrics (which could be worse), but not the almost complete lack of melody, loudly over-produced backing and yelled singing. The interjected laugh is also irritating. – O.H.
In just over two and half excruciatingly long minutes, Moore manages to cram every cringe-worthy hillbilly cliché’ into a melodically clunky hit song. If country music all sounded like this, it would have stayed in those woods. – J.R.